Friday, December 16, 2011

My Bed is a Piece of Shizz

So, my bed is seriously awful. I’ve already described how it’s not big enough for Boyfriend I to sleep comfortable, but if you need a refresher, it looks like this:

Anyhoo, besides the fact that it’s too small, it’s also made of the cheapest college quality mattress you can find. Oh, and the headboard is only attached on one side, so if you are innocently leaning against it, it BANGS into the wall.

Also, it’s loud. Like, even when I’m just rolling over because I sleep like an eggbeater, it’s LOUD. So you can only imagine what it’s like during…other times (because I’m a sex goddess, remember?)

I’m determined to scope out after Christmas sales and buy myself a bed soon. Until then, here are 3 alternatives that may be more comfortable than sleeping in my bed.

1. Sleeping on rocks.



Seriously. At least rocks are quiet.


2. Sleeping in a fireplace
Yes, it is drawn to scale. It's a gigantic fireplace.
Guys guys guys, I know this picture is terrible. But in my defense, I was drunk when I drew it. That is all.

3. Sleeping on a roof.
It’s been debated who would fare better on a roof, me or boyfriend (answer: me). We could probably both sleep on one, though. Except for the Christmas lights. Especially if they’re blinking.

Also drawn to scale. It's a tiny roof.

So seriously, that’s it. I filled out a credit card application. I’m getting a bed.

Anyway, I hope you all have exciting weekend plans! I’m going to see Boyfriend, who survived the business trip (I’ll be blogging  about that next week...lots of close calls with zombie sluts!).  If you’re around, you can catch me drunk tweeting on twitter. Have a great weekend everyone!


26 comments:

  1. I love the picture of you on the roof. And the one in the fireplace isn't bad at all...especially for being drunk.
    Enjoy your weekend with Boyfriend.
    A good mattress is a great investment. I bought mine at Costco, they're slightly cheaper there than at one of those mattress stores that have reject car salesmen drooling over your wallet.

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  2. I love the fireplace! First of all it's inside. Second you'll obviously be warm and toasty whic is MUY importante! Roofs are for sunbathing. Rocks quiet? Clearly you've never had a pet rock.

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  3. Drawn to scale? Your house would appear to be mostly made of fireplace. Still, I don't suppose you have any problems keeping it warm.

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  4. The pics are cute. I can totally relate to this. I had to take off on many days because of my bed. Now I am good. Recently one couple moved in to apartment and above us. Either they need testosorone reduction pills or nonsqueaky bed. Everyday 10 pm and morning 3 am. God,right above our kids room.

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  5. Every sex goddess needs a good bed.

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  6. Aww, the roof might be kind of romantic! Unless it's cold or raining haha.

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  7. You looked happiest sleeping on the roof.

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  8. I vote roof! You'll always have a romantic view of the stars as you slide down off of it and smack into the grass. :-)

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  9. Why didn't you ask Santa for a new bed? That's the best way to get new things because you don't have to pay for them.

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  10. Oh girl, get the new bed. A California King will change your life - you can roll around like an egg beater alll you won't and still not disturb boyfriend's sleep.

    Plus, it beats sleeping in th fireplace.

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  11. Even a futon or a sleeping bag would be better than that thing. Get a new bed soon!

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  12. hahaha love the roof idea! This would be perfect in my house when boyfriend decides to drink and break wind all night!!

    I need a bed upgrade too! Ours is Lord Daa Doo's contribution to our union. It's old, uncomfortable and itchy for some reason.

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  13. P.S - I also want to say how much I loved reading your post. It's good to find a humorous blog. I look forward to reading future posts :-)

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  14. I couldn't agree more on how important a good bed is. The fireplace looks cosy :)

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  15. I couldn't agree more on how important a good bed is. The fireplace looks cosy :)

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  16. Yes, get a new bed. I wake up in mine with back pain and one side of my face collapsed due to irreparable nerve damage.

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  17. roof is good if it's not too cloud out there :)
    and while you're at it, get a good bed. it's a health investment :p

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  18. roof is good if it's not too cold out there :P

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  19. You need a sleep number bed. Though trying to find the "right" number could prove problematic, especially if more than one person is involved.

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  20. I suggest setting up a tent on the roof! All the luxuries of home right underneath you, with all the dangers involved in camping as you could fall off a "cliff"

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  21. You are pee my pants funny! I think the roof is best because rocks may be quiet but they hurt and things get caught and die in fireplaces all the time. It could get stinky in there!

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  22. I can't stop laughing and I'm at work. Then I saw your tag that said drunk blogging and I lost my mind and had to pretend I was coughing. 2 people asked if I was ok - its your fault.

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  23. Great post. Sorry you are jelly of our bed. It is definitely the best I've ever slept on, but that's not helping you is it? Hang in there. I spent my share of nights sleeping on rocks, too.

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  24. looks like i'm not the only one in need of a new mattress. any chance that gettting a new one will make me a sex goddess like you?!

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  25. The bed roof... don't you think it's just romantic to lie down under the stars (as long as it doesn't rain)? The only thing you need to do now is to get a King-sized roof!

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