Thursday, December 29, 2011

New Year’s Resolution Lioness!

*Deep breath* After our earlier issues, we talked it out and lioness decided she wanted to try this again. Despite the fact that not all cultures/religions believe the New Year begins on January 1st, she has graciously agreed to participate in today’s post.


New Year’s Resolution Lioness!


Gia: Hi Lioness! What’s your new year’s resolution?
Lioness: mumblemumblecontroltempermumble
Gia: I’m sorry, what was that?
Lioness: To control my temper, OKAY?!?!?
Gia: You’re off to a great start
Lioness: IS IT THE NEW YEAR YET?!?
Gia: ...no
Lioness: Then back the hell off!
Gia: Okay okay. Sheeeeesh
Lioness: What’s YOUR new years res, Gia? Besides to stop being so smartassy??
Gia: Funny you should ask, Lioness! This year, I resolve to be the WORLD'S BEST GIRLFRIEND EVER to Boyfriend. EVER. 
Gia: * mimicking lioness*  but wait Gia, you already are! 
Lioness: Bitch, step off. I did NOT say that.
Gia: Yeah yeah.
Lioness: There are lots of things you could be better at.
Gia: Maybe one or two things…
Lioness: Lots.
Gia: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Lioness: Really? Because Boyfriend told me what you did last night. How you denied him SLEEP. How cruel can you be?!? What, is your bedroom Gitmo?
Gia: It was 9 pm!!
Lioness: You kept talking to him and poking him (in the EYE) and biting him and in general keeping him awake. You know he gets up at the unholy ass crack of dawn, Gia.
Gia: I know I know. But I thought he was going to have to leave at 8 pm to go chauffeur his kid around, so I recklessly drank  a shit ton of coffee, assuming I'd be alone and wired last night.
Lioness: I don't want to hear your excuses. Sleep is sleep, bitch.
Gia: Only 9 pm!
Lioness: Yeah, and how cranky do YOU get when someone wakes you up at 9am on the weekend, hmmmm?
Gia: Touche.


SIGH. Sorry, Boyfriend! Seems like I have my work cut out for me. Good thing this resolution didn't start yesterday. Does anyone else have any good New Year’s Resolutions they feel like sharing? Or bad ones? Really, any for me to read that will help me procrastinate on me starting my WORLDS' BEST GIRLFRIEND work... 

20 comments:

  1. This is wonderful. I love Lioness, almost as crabby as I am (and that's on a good day). I never make New Years resolutions. I like to put my failures off until later in the year, that way I don't feel like a schmuck by January 3rd. Good luck on being the World's Best Girlfriend. Just put him in a cage with a lounger, some beer, some porn and a remote control and he'll love you forever.

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  2. So. All I can say is that you missed your opportunity. Poking "in the eye", and biting. Done right, he'd have been AWAKE!! and liking it, with NO COMPLAINTS AT ALL. None. Trust me on this.

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  3. Oh God, I thought my wife was the only one that did that - got accidentally wired, then when I'm in bed trying to sleep, poking me, biting me, talking to me, and just annoying the ever-loving crap out of me until I want to smack her.

    Want to send the resolution lioness her way next?

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  4. Lioness is aggressive. Wait, "biting"? I get the unintentional eye poking but biting, that's intent. Are you leaving marks? He's not going to Nola again is he?

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  5. First of all Anne, we don't use the "L" word, so even with beer (only on Saturday) and porn, that's off the table. Gia is already pretty close to the World's Best Girlfriend. (two issues really....) For example, right now when you hug her, horribly decorated xmas cookies and lasagna pop out of all her pores. If I ate carbs, that would be cool. Also, before people give me a rash of crap about falling asleep at 9pm, it was post coital and everyone seemed to be happy. Also, I was surrounded by cookies (did I mention how horribly they were decorated) and lasagna, so it was comfy. Hey Gia, WTF. Why no post on the gifts I gave you? Making me look bad....again.

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  6. Hee. I had a comment all ready about resolutions and the Lioness, then I read boyfriend's comment and forgot all about it. Give him a gold star for good gift giving Gia, it's important to the menfolk to be acknowledged!

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  7. Don't worry everyone, I'm totally going to post Boyfriend's gifts next week. I'm holding off for two reasons:
    1. I dont think as many people are reading blogs this week as usual and I want it to get a lot of attention
    2. Everyone is gonna think Boyfriend's gifts are better than what I got him so I wanna bask in my zombie glory for as long as possible

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  8. Some cultures don't believe the New Years starts on January 1st?
    Oh, crap. Now what am I going to do with all these gift calendars I got for Christmas? I was planning on visiting the Zoroastrian-Druid Friendship Center in Philly this afternoon.

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  9. I love that lioness told you, "Bitch, step off!" I think that phrase has almost died out, and I need to bring it back.

    I don't do new year's resolutions but I made a change to stop dieting this past year. No more gaining and losing. Just healthy eating and exercising regularly. I could've been sponsored as a fad dieter these past 5 years, and I'm none the thinner for it.

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  10. I want to stop saying the F word. I'm guessing this resolution will last until about 12:01am on Jan. 1st.

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  11. I poke and bite too when I can't sleep. Lol.
    Hmm. Resolution ? I should hope to be less cynical, complain less and just be a little easy-going.

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  12. For a creature with anger issues that looks like a happy lion

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  13. LOL!!! Really? You were poking him in the eye...

    Well, coffee could do that to you. lol :P

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  14. I've been saying this all day...I resolve nothing! No fail gonna happen here!

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  15. I resolve to not make resolutions! And I agree with Sporkgasm... healthy eating/exercising all the way.... and saving money.

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  16. I am making a resolution to eat more cake.

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  17. I've gone back and read some of your other posts and I love this blog now. I'm following you and am going to put you on my blogroll. Have a Happy New Year!

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  18. No resolutions for me - it worked for the past ten years or so :)

    Good luck with yours, though

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  19. Mine is to get married...... I already have a fiancee so I reckon I'm off to a good start.

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  20. My resolution is to be more organized and in order to help that I was going to start getting things cleaned up yesterday on my day off but instead I laid in bed playing mahjong so we will see how well that one goes...
    Maybe I should make it my resolution to play more mahjong?!?!?!?

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