So there’s a new girl at work. And I hate her. Because she’s nice and SUPER HOT. I can’t openly hate her (because of the nice thing), but I secretly super hate her. Thankfully, she’s a temp, but I don’t know how long she’s going to be around. Boyfriend enjoys torturing me about her. See the following texting:
Me: Bleh work bleh
Boyfriend: NewGirl mmmmm
Me: Rawr I hate her!!!
Boyfriend: Why? She’s perfect
Me: <angryface>
Boyfriend: and engaged [Right. Even though she’s engaged, I still hate her. I am aware how crazy this makes me.]
boooooooooo
Me: Thank. Goodness.
Or else shit was gonna go down. [It actually gets hard sometimes for me to remember that I have to be nice to her in real life, because she's nice and never actually did anything to me nor has she made a move on Boyfriend. YET.]
Boyfriend: Not fair
Me: <Two angry faces>
Boyfriend: I’m whacking it to her anyway
Me: SERIOUSLY
Boyfriend: What. She looks very flexible.
Me: Her vagina has teeth
Boyfriend: Soft and tight I think
Me: Like a hedgehog
Or a venus fly trap
Boyfriend: She can trap my fly anytime
Me: She’ll make your penis bleed
Boyfriend: Fine
Me: I think you mean “ick that sounds awful” no?
Boyfriend: I think I could fuck her hard enough that the engagement ring would fall to the floor
Me: NO IT’S ON THERE PRETTY TIGHT
Do you have a boner right now
I’m gonna be so mad if you have a boner right now
Boyfriend: Halfsies
Me: …I’m half really angry
Boyfriend: She’s nice and proper. She’d never let me do anything REALLY filthy to her.
Me: Right so she’s the worst
Boyfriend: But super gorgeous
Me: RAWWWWWWRRRRR
A few minutes later
Me: Were you trying to distract me from useless mcgee anger by bringing up newgirl?
Boyfriend: No just general torturing
Me: Were you masturbating just now?!?!?
Boyfriend: Yes she’s pretty
Calm down crazy legs
Me: Aww you were masturbating? Really?
Boyfriend: No stupid. You’ve gone off the deep end.
Me: Whew.
This is another one of those situations where in reality it looks like this:
But what I see is this:
Grrr.
BAAAAA HAAAAA! Sorry, I guess I'm a sadist. :)
ReplyDeleteIt seems like you bring these things up to him because you enjoy the way he tortures you.
ReplyDeleteWell, I do anyway. That's funny stuff.
LOL I absolutely LOVE the cartoon! Bitch, I'd hate her too! xx
ReplyDeleteI hate her too but I bet she picks her nose. Tell your boyfriend that before he decides to whack off.
ReplyDeleteI knew as soon as I saw the title that she was probably hot. I hate her too. :-)
ReplyDeleteAwww, poor Gia. If it helps, when Boyfriend gets all those STD's from her, you can laugh at him and tell him it's his own fault.
ReplyDeleteHa ha... your conversation topics are surely entertaining... and I'll hate her too, just for your sake.
ReplyDeleteI can't stand her either. I bet she has poor hygeine habits.
ReplyDeleteI love how she went from a sweet innocent, everyday top to a sexy red vneck top with clevage! Hysterical Post!!
ReplyDeleteI love how she went from a sweet innocent, everyday top to a sexy red vneck top with clevage! Hysterical Post!!
ReplyDeleteWhy is Boyfriend's left arm longer than his right arm?
ReplyDeleteSlutbag looks super hot. You should be worried. ;)
Tragic childhood accident.
DeleteBahaha!! This is just what I needed this morning to lift my spirits!! Slutbag might be cute and... flexible, but can she blog with cartoons???
ReplyDeleteI don't think so.
She can never, ever know you have this blog. Btw, you're cuter.
ReplyDeleteHahahah amazing! I love the illustration to go with it, also impressed by your boyfriends winding up sills. Remember best girlfriend 2012! xxxx
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up!! Her vagina has teeth like a venus fly trap. I almost peed when I read that. I loveee how you have no filter on here.
ReplyDeleteAnd psh, if she tries anything, we'll all just blog really nasty things about her. Then you can casually tell her to google herself ;)
Aww Gia, you know Boyfriend loves you! Consider this strategy - befriend New Girl. Make her your BFF and you'll get to spend time with her when you're not with Boyfriend. So you'll know she isn't with Boyfriend! Problem solved! You're welcome! : )
ReplyDeleteHalfsies.
ReplyDeleteOSM.
Reminds me of a movie where the hot temp tries to kill her bosses wife. You have good reason to hate her!
ReplyDeleteOh Gia, you are a little nuts. But that's totally okay since you made a dentata reference.
ReplyDeleteDENTATA!
Being perfect and nice is justification for hate.
ReplyDeleteDon't beautiful girls know they are supposed to have TERRIBLE personalities so the rest of us have a shot at life?
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wish my vagina had teeth. That could be fun.
ReplyDelete=( I am the pretty new girl at work. I'm nice to everyone. Our secretary openly ignores me and only acknowledges me grudingly. I just want to do my job. I have a lot of problems at home without feeling bad at work too. Just because I don't flaunt my insecurities doesn't mean I don't have feelings too.
ReplyDeleteYour post was actually really funny, but it's sad for me too.
I laughed so hard when I thought about her vagina dentata. That is all.
ReplyDeleteLMAO it's only right to hate on the new girl. and she clearly is trying to steal your bf ;)
ReplyDelete"Because she’s nice and SUPER HOT?!" WHAT A TOTAL BITCH SHE IS!
ReplyDeleteexactly.
DeleteLet's hope she never EVER finds your blog. :P
ReplyDeleteHalfsies made me die. I bet she has a raging STD.
ReplyDeleteSee, if your boyfriend wasn't honest with you, theeeen you would need to be worried. But he seems to be a straight up dude.
ReplyDeleteDude I love the conversations you have with your boyfriend. And 'halfsies' cracked me up.
ReplyDeleteMy husband works with a girl who is tiny, about 10 years younger than me & hot. And I hate her. They get on really well & share a love for anime.
Sometimes I catch them laughing with each other & it makes me mental. Also because whenever I see her she talks about him constantly (she flats with a friend of mine).
I've pretty much informed her telepathically with my jedi mind powers that if she so much as accidentally looks at him for longer than what is deemed appropriate, this old cougar is going to cut a bitch.
I always hate new co-workers
ReplyDeleteIT'S THE OFFICE SKANK!!!! DON'T BE FOOLED BY HER PERKY AND PRISTINE EXTERIOR!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI concur. It MUST be.
DeleteAn Office Skank Haiku
ReplyDeleteHot new co-worker.
You make my trousers tighter.
Crap! Must help myself.
WHAT. A. BITCH.
ReplyDeleteWell you know we could set her on fire. Just a suggestion. Call me if you need me.
ReplyDeleteI will hate her on your behalf! Poor girl. There's a lot of hate floating around out there & headed straight at her. All from this blog! :) Don't worry. She probably goes home & tortures small cute fuzzy animals. And imagines having sex with your boyfriend!! Bitch.
ReplyDeleteWould SHE be able to have those text conversations with Boyfriend? I don't THINK so. You're totally the one for him. (Besides, y'all are funny as hell)
ReplyDeleteSecond on my bloglist today to blog about the girl at work haha!
ReplyDeleteBF not nice. Why can't he just indulge you and say naw you're prettier lol. Women need to be reassured sometimes.
Definitely befriend her she probably thinks you are the gorgeous one and is jealous of you..
You forgot to draw in your boyfriends semi-bendable.
ReplyDeleteThat is for MY eyes only!!
DeleteYou might be slightly irrational, but you never know, her niceness could be a cover to steal boyfriends everywhere.
ReplyDeleteI hate her too. Grrr.
ReplyDeleteI felt uncomfortable reading this post.
ReplyDeleteYo, maybe she actually bats for the other team.
ReplyDeleteI have been informed by my co-workers that I'm the hot girl at work - but there's no need to worry, I'm more likely to go after you than your boyfriend.
:-)
"I'm half really angry". hahaha!! You two are twisted!
ReplyDelete"Her vagina has teeth".
Oh god. So many quotables in this one.
I can't stop reading your blog posts! You ARE The Awesome.
ReplyDeleteKeep being crazy, mmmmk? Okay then.
aw, thanks! don't worry, i can't control it (the crazy). it won't go away.
DeleteThe way boyfriend tortures you.... Amusing yet so unfair. Haha.
DeleteWonderfully, filthily honest.
ReplyDeleteLoved it.
I so glad I'm not the only one who feels this way about new girl. The new girl at my job has huge boobs and is skinnier than me. I hate her. She needs to go.
ReplyDeleteseriously get over it .. get your own spank bank...
ReplyDelete