Me: Hi Allie!
Allie: HEYYYYYYYYY girlfriend! What’s up?!
Me: Are you drunk?
Allie: Whaaaat? Nooooo…..
Me: *sniffs* I can smell booze on your breath!
Allie: I just had a tiny bit…
Me: Allie, you were supposed to come talk about your plans for St Paddy’s Day. You weren’t supposed to be drunk yet.
Allie: The bar specials start now! I’m nothing if not thrifty.
Me: Damnit, Allie.
Allie: Why don’t I sing more often? I have a great voice…
Me: Allie no-
Allie: I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT. WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT.
Me: Are you singing Spice Girls?
Allie: Gia, your line is “So tell me what you want, what you really really want.”
Allie: IF YOU WANNA BE MY LOVER, GOTTA GET WITH MY FRIENDS…
Me: What does that even mean??
Allie: Hell if I know…
Me: C’mon, let’s give this interview a shot.
Allie: SHOT? DID YOU SAY SHOTS?
Me: Oh fuck.
Allie: SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS
Allie: I WANT SHOTS AND MORE BEADS.
Me: This interview is over.