Mayor Gia

I Went to the Doctor and He Was a Jerk.

2012-02-27T07:00:00.000-05:00

[Linking up with yeahwrite!]

This may come as a shock to you because it appears that I subsist on wine and chocolate, but I don’t actually get sick that much (knocks furiously on wood). While I’ve gone to specialty docs like the eye doctor or dentist or gyno, I haven’t been to a general practitioner since I moved to my current location a 2.5 years ago.

But last week, when there was definitely some a-hem, burning and bladder pain, I knew I probably had a UTI and had to go to the doctor for antibiotics. Not only because webmd convinced me that my kidneys were about to explode, but facetiming with Boyfriend was kind of like this:

So I chose a random doctor and made an appointment for 9:30 am on Tuesday. I should note that I’m also SUPER busy at work right now, so my priority was to get in, pee in a cup, get my antibiotics, and skedaddle to work. (Yes, I say skedaddle. No, I do not appreciate your judgment.)

The doctor, on the other hand, had a different agenda. Now, I get that because I am a new patient they have to ask SOME medical history questions, but they practice “whole patient care” and let’s just say it’s a little extreme.

Fuck me. After going through the basics (which I answered without a problem), he got a bit nosy.

I swear he really said that.

Of course, this happened.

And then the barrage came:

I swear all these were asked. And this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Guys, if I wanted to be interrogated, I would have called my mom. And given her one word non-answers too.

And THEN the condescending jerkface said this:

You know, for another fun check up to talk about our feelings and maybe some potential pet names.

Did I mention I don't take well to guilt tripping or shaming??

Finally:

And that’s how I got over my UTI.

Friday Photographs!

2012-02-24T07:00:00.000-05:00

Hi guys! Time for more random pictures from my phone.Let’s start with something that pisses me off. Like, remember how all myappliances were against me?

Well, here’s how hot it got over the summer when the airconditioner broke:

That is 87 MOTHERFUCKING DEGREES. See, I'm not exaggerating when I say it was like:

Ok, I'm exaggerating two degrees. It was hell though.

And then the washer broke and I made the landlord replaceit and she dragged it to the living room:

That ain’t right.

And then she left trash in our place to take care of:

Also not cool. In case you guys are wondering, yes, I amdocumenting this shit in case it’s ever needed. And yes, I can’t wait to moveout in a few months. And no, I have no idea where I’m going to live. Possiblyout of the trunk of my car.

ROAR! Okay, I need to calm down.

AWWWWW. Now I feel better.

Are you guys still upset for me? Well, here’s a doublerainbow!

Oooo. Ahhhhhh.

Here’s some photos from back over the summer, when I wasvacationing at the beach with my family. Check out this pretty sunset from aboat we were on:

I was on a boat motherfucker! Don't you ever forget!

And here’s a bench from that beach town:

In case you’re wondering, it says

In your death, a part of me dies and goes with you.

Where you go, I also go.

You will not be alone.

I find this equal parts creepy and sweet. That’s all I’dlike to say about it for now.

Okay, I need something to get my mind off of that. Ohhey, how about some booze?

This is a delicious strawberry margarita. I wish thispicture wasn’t a few years old and was actually right now so I could bedrinking it.

This is a puzzle. I’m a dork and I like doing them.

Guys, it’s a polar bear golf cover! It’s my othervalentine’s day gift to Boyfriend, besides the heart shaped boxers. I figurebecause I’m such a good luck charm, this will definitely improve his name. Incase you’re wondering, he got me a pretty necklace, and something that will beintroduced to you all probably next week.

I like this picture a lot. What’s not to like? It’skitties and a gnome.

Okay, you guys wanna see a real picture of Boyfriendnow??

Look! That’s Boyfriend holding the black kitty that comesaround seaside town. Isn’t that a cute kitty? And a sexy sexy ear? Ladies,hands off! He’s mine!

Okay, time to wrap this up before you all die of boredom.Here’s the last picture:

Yep, that’s a dog in the sidecar of a motorcycle. I waswalking around this quirky town near me one day and saw this guy, and had tosnap a picture. Awesomesauce, right? Right.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Ducky Has Something to Say

2012-02-23T07:00:00.000-05:00

UPDATE: Guys, I messed up the button. It's fixed now. My bad. Let me know if you have problems with it.

Ducky: Hi

Me: Oh fuck me, not another pissy animal

Ducky: Huh?

Me: What are you mad about? That you forgot Valentine’s Day? That I didn’t ask you about your plans?

Ducky: Nope.

Me: …are you mad at all?

Ducky: Nope.

Me: You're not still pissy about how crappy I drew you when I was first learning the tablet?

Ducky: No, not anymore.

Me: Because it was like this, remember:

Ducky: Are you trying to start with me?

Me: No no, I just-

Ducky: Because my ass is NOT that big.

Me: My bad.

Ducky: Anyway, I’m not mad. I’m GREAT.

Me: Why are you great?

Ducky: Because I’m a DUCK! What’s greater than that?

Me: I’m not really following.

Ducky: Yeah you wouldn’t silly human.

Me: Silly human?

Ducky: Yeah, I’m a duck. My life is great! I can walk, swim, and fly. Can you do that? Huh?!

Me: Well, two out of three…

Ducky: Yeah, right.

Me: So your life is perfect?

Ducky: well, except for one thing…

Me: What’s that?

Ducky: Duck rape.

Me: Oh yeah, boy ducks are really aggressive, eh?

Ducky: Yes. It’s a problem. Which is why I’m forming D.A.R.D.

Me: DARD?

Ducky: Ducks Against Raping Ducks.

Me: Wowza.

Ducky: Can we use the blog as a platform to raise duck rape awareness?

Me: …sure, Ducky. Only because you’re so cute.

Ducky: HEY!

Me: What??

Ducky: NO MEANS NO, GIA!

This blog is a duck rape free zone.

Want it for your blog? (You know you do.)

Photographs: A Modern History of Gia

2012-02-22T07:00:00.000-05:00

I’m really not sure this post is going to be interestingto anyone but me but here we go!

If you guys are anything like me, you have a bunch of oldpictures on your phone that you never sent anywhere or did anything with, butyou never wanted to get rid of them. Ifinally downloaded them all this week, so I could delete them off my phone. AndI thought, “Hey, I want to share these with ~~the world~~ my readers!” And then Ithought, “Does anyone care about these pictures?” And then I thought, “Fuckyou! It’s my blog and I’ll post what I want!” (But not really fuck you because you guys are awesome.)

So, get prepared for the blog version of showing you myvacation slides, because here are some pictures! In fact, I have so many ofthem I’m dividing them among separate posts. Please don’t hate me, dearreaders.

WHYYY?!? (also, ignore the ghetto countertop)

So, let’s start with this. In a nutshell, it wasBoyfriend’s fault. I generously lent him my Tupperware for some leftovers afterI graciously allowed him to cook me dinner. And he decided it was super old anddangerous to use so he smashed it (and bought me new Tupperware). Allie had asentimental attachment to this container though, and was very upset. RIPTupperware.

Guys, there’s a lot of cat pictures here. Be prepared forthat.

I saw this sticker and I thought it was hilarious.Apparently they’re not that unique, but whatevs. Go vegetarianism! Hey, there’sno filthy double meaning to this, right??

I’ve posted this picture before, but I love it so much.It’s the park near my house. And you know what I find in that park sometimes?

BUNNIES!

Sorry the picture is so terrible, I had to zoom in likecrazy to get it. I prefer this interpretation

And look there is also

DUCKIES!!!!

Awwww, an adorable ducky couple that probably hasconsensual ducky sex. I named them Donald and Daisy, obviously. It was actuallyreally cute watching them – the ladyduck would eat while the gentlemanduckwould keep an eye on us and start quacking if anything came too close. Howsweet. I know Boyfriend would totally quack for me if danger was approaching.

I gave you guys this picture for some sexy eye candy and so you'd be a little less mad that I'm showing you all these photos. HUBBA HUBBA!!

Seriously kitty? You’re rolling your eyes at that? Ithink it’s sweet!

Uhoh, kitty is cranky. Sorry guys. Guess I should wrap itup for today. Le sigh. If you need more Gia today, check out some new Favorite Posts at the top of the list on the sidebar over there --->

Dear Boyfriend, Sorry ‘Bout the Crazy.

2012-02-20T07:00:00.000-05:00

[I know I said I was taking today off but I wanted to post this today, so I’m taking tomorrow off. Back to normal schedule Wednesday. Also, linking up with yeahwrite again.]

Dear Boyfriend,

I’m sorry that when you tried to have an adult conversation with me on Friday, I totally freaked out.

And I’m really sorry that I spent the rest of the weekend systematically torturing you with my insecurity.

Also, I’m sorry about the sleep situation on Friday night/Saturday morning.

He really was having a nightmare. I swear.

And I’m definitely sorry about the two hours of facetiming (videochatting) on Sunday night.

Et cetera.

Sometimes, I’m insecure and neurotic. But I'll do better. Because you’re the best guy I've ever been with. Not just because you really are wonderful in a bunch of ways and you tolerate the crazy and you reassure me over and over again when I need it.

But more importantly, because you haven’t murdered me yet.

Love,

Me (your adorably neurotic girlfriend)

I watched Twilight this weekend.

Special Saturday Post!

2012-02-18T07:00:00.000-05:00

Well, that title is misleading, because this isn't a real post at all. Two things:

I want to thank Cranface from The Cranface Chronicles for this lovely blog award:

So sweet!

Also, I'm guest blogging over at Charlotte's Web today. The topic? Ten things that make me happy! You guys should definitely check it out -- she's in England, so I have no idea what time "today" the post is going up, but yeah. Check it out. Time zones are my weaknesses.

Anyway, I hope everyone is continuing to have a great weekend! Monday is President's Day, so I'm taking the day off and enjoying the three day weekend. I'll be back Tuesday!

Conversations with a Cow

2012-02-17T07:00:00.000-05:00

Me: Hi Cow

Cow: Oh HI, Gia.

Me: Are you okay?

Cow: NO! I’m VERY UPSET with you.

Me: Oh fuck me, not again.

Cow: Excuse me?

Me: Nothing. What’s wrong?

Cow: What do you THINK is wrong?

Me: Umm…mad cow disease?

Cow: Har har Gia. NO.

Me: Did you have a bad Valentine’s Day?

Cow: No. I actually had a wonderful Valentine’s Day. That’sthe problem.

Me: Why is that a problem?

Cow: Well…

Me: Yes….?

Cow: Why didn’t you ask about *my* plans?

Me: Excuse me?

Cow: You ask Polar Bear and Kitty and Lioness about their Valentine’s Day plans. But not me.

Me: -oh well, it’s just because there’s only so many-

Cow: OH I KNOW WHY, Gia. I know why.

Me: *gritting teeth * Go on.

Cow: It’s because you assumed I didn’t have any plans, didn’tyou?! That I’m just a big dumb cow and nobody would want me!

Me: No not at all Cow!

Cow: YOU DON’T NEED TO BE A CUTE LITTLE KITTY OR A CUDDLY BEARTO FIND LOVE, YOU KNOW!

Me: I know I know. I’m sure you are a very desirable cow.

Cow: PEOPLE IN INDIA WORSHIP ME!

Me; Okay okay!

Cow: I’m just saying Gia. You only ask the “cute” animals abouttheir plans. It’s a little discriminatory, in my book.

Me: …I swear it’s not intentional, Cow.

Cow: I bet some of your readers want to see REAL animals, notjust perfect ones.

Me: I’m sure they do, Cow. How can I fix this?

Cow: Tell me I’m desirable!

Me: You’re a very desirable Cow.

Cow: And that someone would be lucky to spend valentine’s daywith me!

Me: Someone WOULD be lucky do to that, Cow.

Cow: And…I can have my own weekly blog feature?

Me: HELL NO.

Cow: Worth a shot.

Sigh, cows and their self esteem issues. I can’t take it!Anyway, have a good weekend everyone! I’ll be drunk tweeting from my couch formost of it.

Valentine's Day Lioness

2012-02-16T07:00:00.000-05:00

Me: Well…this is awkward.

(Angry) Lioness: Did I FUCKING miss this shit again?!

Me: NO NO NO! Um, some cultures don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day til the 16^th!

Lioness: If you lie to me I’m going to fucking cut you!

Me:…yes… it was the 14^th….

Lioness: DAMNIT!! How am I supposed to keep all this shit straight? I’m A VERY BUSY LIONESS.

Me: I know I know, its okay. Well…did you have a nice Valentine’s Day?

Lioness: HOW COULD IT BE NICE GIA? I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS FUCKING TUESDAY.

Me: Well, were you going to have any plans?

Lioness: NO. I don’t celebrate this commercialized hallmark card bullshit of a holiday.

Me: Heyy…it can just be about recognizing someone you care about. Not cards and chocolate and whatnot.

Lioness: Sure Gia, and you should only do that one day a year? Bullshit. You celebrate VD because the MAN tells you so.

Me: Well, maybe a little….

Lioness: I’m surprised Boyfriend agreed to even recognize it as a day.

Me: Yeah, me too a bit. Sometimes, he’s a softie.

Lioness: Snerk, he should take Viagra.

Me: HEY NOT LIKE THAT! Everything is working great is that department. I mean, not so great that you should try to make a move on my man, any potential Zombie Sluts who are reading this. Just great for us.

Lioness: Yeah yeah. Look, I’m gonna go gorge on 90% off VD chocolate.

Me: Doesn’t that make you a hypocrite?

Lioness: Look, I’m not made of money, okay? I wouldn’t allow my agent to book these fucking gigs if that were the case. Its 90% off chocolate!! I’m not a moron!

Me: Can lionesses even eat chocolate?

Lioness: Bitch, I’ll eat what I want. I’M A MOTHERFUCKING LIONESS.

Me: Fair enough.

Hey, You Know What Can Be Surprisingly Loud? Wind.

2012-02-15T07:00:00.000-05:00

Boyfriend and I went to seaside town this weekend, and it was overalla great time. Here’s a prettydisorganized breakdown of the good/bad of the weekend.

Good: We saw Safe House.

I freaking love Denzel. Seriously, he’s amazing. AndBoyfriend was down with going to see Safe House with me.

Bad: It was only okay.

I mean it was a fun movie, but Iwas hoping for training-day-denzel, and it was not that. Pretty much the moviewas like this for me:

Et cetera.

Hey, Boyfriend was just grateful I wasn’t pushing him togo see The Vow or that Reese Witherspoon one that I can’t remember but am toolazy to look up.

Bad: We could NOT sleep Saturday night. It was reallywindy out, and the tarp that was covering a skylight in the bedroom keptflapping on the roof. OH and the poor dogs that are being kept outside (seehere) kept barking. [Side note, these ~~people~~ fucking assholes are gettingreported.]

Good: What’s good about this, you ask? Well, IT WASN’T MYFAULT!!!

I didn’t keep him up with worrying about demons andninjas and whatnot!!

Back to bad: Fuck, I was tired too.

He went on the roof the next day and it was super scaryand totally reminded me of this. Luckily he didn’t fall.

Good: Kitty visited!

So, there’s this kitty that lives in the area – it wasabandoned by a family that moved away, but we think a neighbor is taking careof it. Sometimes it comes around when we’re at the house, and it strolls rightin when we open the door. Then I follow it around and pick it up and coo a bitbecause SQUEEEEEEEE KITTY!!!

Bad: It definitely loves Boyfriend way more than me. It’sunfair, but he’s super good with animals. I can’t compete.

Worse: Boyfriend had to tell me to “keep my thoughts tomyself.”

Apparently this was not appreciated:

Lastly:

Good: I gave Boyfriend these heart covered boxers forValentine’s Day:

Better: He liked them!

Best: HE WORE THEM!!!

Sexy Boyfriend eye candy for y'all.

All in all, it was a great weekend.

Valentine's Day Rejected Boyfriend Cards

2012-02-14T07:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine’s Day! I know I know, it’s the mother of allfake holidays. But I don’t care damnit! I’ve written out some terrible poemsfor Boyfriend. None were good enough to make it into the card I gave him, but I think they're pretty entertaining. Watch out y’all, it’sabout to get mushy up in here.

First, one for Allie's crush on Boyfriend (though based on yesterday's post, she may be getting over it):

Click to make bigger.

Here's a haiku inspired by this picture:

And here's one about how utterly insane I am:

Click to make bigger

(Somewhat inspired by this:)

Here is one because Boyfriend is sexy:

Here's another haiku, this one about my least favorite things ever:

Grrr zombie sluts.

And lastly:

Click to make bigger.

Happy Valentine’s Day,Boyfriend!

Caaan You Feeel the Loooove Toniiiight

2012-02-13T07:00:00.000-05:00

You guys remember Allie and Popsicle? Well, if you need to catch up, check out their first interaction here.

They’ve had another run in recently:

Allie: Woe is me!!!!!

Poor upset Allie.

Popsicle: I wonder how I can sabotage this blowdryer so that it doesn’t work…

Me: Hey! Stop it Popsicle. I need that.

Popsicle: YOU’RE DESTROYING MY PEOPLE!

Me: Oh, hush.

Allie: I SAID, “WOE IS ME.”

Me: What’s wrong Allie?

Allie: Go away Gia! I’m trying to get his attention!

Me: Oh okay, good luck with that.

Allie: *flops in front of Popsicle * WOE IS ME.

Popsicle: Uh, something wrong there Allie?

Allie: It’s almost Valentine’s day and I’m all alone!

Popsicle: Valentine’s day is for the birds.

Allie: Oh, so they can find love??

Popsicle: That’s not what that phrase means…

Allie: THIS ISN’T FAIR!

Popsicle: What about lovemonkey? He seems like a perfect Valentine’s date.

You probably can't see it, but that heart says "I love you."

Allie: You mean WHOREMONKEY? It took WEEKS to clear up what he gave me!

Popsicle: TMI Allie.

Allie: Hey, it’s cleared up, okay?

Popsicle: Listen, I got to go break a blowdryer…

Allie: Oh come on, cut Gia a break. She really needs it to look even marginally attractive for Boyfriend.

Popsicle: He can’t be dating her for her looks.

Allie: Haha no, of course not…

Me: SERIOUSLY?? I can still hear you guys!

Allie: …but she likes to try. Just like how I wear this bow, see?

Popsicle: Well, I suppose I could hold off my blowdryer destruction til after this silly faux holiday….

Allie: Aw! You’re so sweet!!

Popsicle: That’s…not an awful bow you have there, Allie.

Allie: REALLY?!?!

Popsicle: Don’t get so excited.

Allie: I can’t help it! Will you –

Popsicle: -don’t ask what I think you’re going to ask –

Allie: -be my valentine?!?

Popsicle: No.

Allie: Please?

Popsicle: No.

Allie: Why not?

Popsicle: You’re distracting me from my mission.

Allie: Everyone deserves a little fun.

Popsicle: grrr….I don’t know.

Allie: PLEASE?!

Popsicle: …I guess.

Allie: YAAAAAY!!!! YAY YAY YAY!

Popsicle: Take it down a notch, Allie.

Allie: I can’t. I’m too excited. HUG ME!

Awwww, how sweet.

One Day I Hope to Own a Cat

2012-02-10T07:00:00.000-05:00

So, I’m sure it’s no surprise to you that I want a cat. My sister has two kitties, and I love them even when they’re total fucking bitches. However, I’m sure some of you are wondering why I don’t currently have one, especially because I work in a city that is filled with feral cats and honestly with a little tuna I think I could convince one to get in my car. Yeah, they’re all pretty whorey with their kitty STDs, but that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve love.

No one teaches cats Stranger Danger.

Also, you some of you guys offered up your own cats to me on twitter, which is awesome. But also makes me wonder why you want to get rid of these little balls of fluff. Are they secretly criminal masterminds? No, right?

Anyway, for now I just read kitty blogs and keep hoping. Here are some reasons why I don’t have a cat yet:

My Lease Says "No Pets"

I plan on moving out when my lease is up, so that might take care of that one.

Money

I know I know, cats are cheap. Cheaper than dogs and babies for sure. But there are still some kitty expenses:

Monthly rent with pets can go up 30-50 bucks in this area
Kitty food
Kitty litter
Adorable kitty toys
Vet bills when kitty chooses to ignore kitty toys for household products

Anyhoo, money is tight, and a cat is a commitment. You cant just feed them ramen noodles, right?

Allergies

Oh yeah, I may be slightly allergic to cats. I didn’t have one growing up, and a few years ago I got my sister cats for her birthday. Now after I hang out with them/force them to cuddle with me, my eyes itch a lot. And I feel kinda crappy when I go home, but not sure if that is just kitty allergies or going home.

So yeah. No kitty for Gia yet.

Nope.

But once I move out, somehow manage to make more money, and decide “fuck allergies,” I’m totally gonna steal me a kitty.

_____________________________________
On another note, guess who has two thumbs and got tagged in another question thingy? *points to self* THIS GIRL. Boo-yah! This one is from Handflapper, who is super awesome not only because she complimented my popcorn spoon idea. Here we go:

1. What is your most irrational, ridiculous fear and in what way, if any, does this interfere with your daily activities?
I feel like you designed this question with me in mind. How do I pick one? Zombie sluts, demons, ninjas who want to break in my home...the list is endless. It doesn't interfere with my life because my craziness is just who I am.

2. Have you ever had head lice, and if yes, when?
NOPE! I'm proud of this one.

3. Picard or Kirk, and why? And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you should. Shame on you.
I had to google this. No comment.

4. How often, ever if, do you sweep/vacuum your floors?
Hahhahah...no clue. Like once a month? I'm dirty. I don't know how Boyfriend puts up with it.

5. What is the scariest movie you have ever seen?
Hook. It gave me crazy bad nightmares as a kid. (Oh, you mean as an adult? Dunno. The Ring?)

6. What is the worst movie you have ever seen? (I love both scary and poorly made movies with all my heart.)
Hmmm...I dunno if its WORST, but Midnight in Paris is certainly up there.

7. Have you ever peed in the shower? HONEST ANSWERS ONLY.
I'm not going to answer that but I'll tell you this story: apparently, one time when I was a little kid and my sister and I were taking a bath together, I pooed in the tub. I was not only enough to remember, but she was. I enjoy knowing this happened.

8. What is it about coffee that you people like so much?
It's the sweet sweet nectar of the gods and I am totally addicted to it. Mmmm...coffee.

9. Would you rather have a cupcake or a real, honest-to-goodness as-god-intended-it piece of cake? Think carefully before answering. I’ll totally judge you if you say cupcake.
I've never felt so self conscious about liking cupcakes before.

10. How many Jeremy London movies have you seen, and for god’s sake, why?
Who?

11. Can you recommend any hardy menstruating prostitutes for a Bigfoot expedition?

No. Boyfriend would probably volunteer me for the role. Luckily, he is not answering this.

Whew! Those were tough! Have a great weekend everyone, I'll see you on Twitter!

Valentine's Day Kitty

2012-02-09T07:00:00.000-05:00

Hi all! Before we get to today's post, the very awesome Sarcasm Goddess tagged me in another answer-the-question thingy. So, here we go!!

1. What reality show would you most hate to be on? Hoarders. Because that would mean I'm a hoarder, no? I would not like to be that. (Using the same logic, "Intervention" comes in second).

2. Would you rather have your spouse/significant other forget your birthday or buy you a dress that's three sizes too big? Show your work.

Dress size too big. Because, at least he remembered. Also, too big is better than too small in my book. Too small says, "YOU NEED TO DIET," whereas too big says "Feel free to grow a bit." And Boyfriend would probably make it a part of some joke, cuz he's awesome like that.

3. Where do unicorns get their magic?

From their horn, of course.

4. What dessert best describes you?

Hmmm...is "wine" a dessert? If not, then is there a dessert that's know for being really insecure?

5. Where do you fall on the paranoia scale: One being totally not paranoid, and Ten being they're out to get me! Explain.
Why would you ask me that? What is this about? Did someone say I'm paranoid? WAS IT BOYFRIEND?!?

6. Salty or sweet? I'm talking food, obviously. But I suppose you can answer that any way you see fit.

Sweet, I guess. But sometimes salty too. I don't know. This is tricky.

7. If a train leaves Boston at 6 a.m. going 100 miles per hour and another train leaves Chicago at 11:00 a.m. going 250 miles per hour at what time will the bacon be most delicious?
Apparently always. My facon (fake bacon) tastes good in the morning....

8. What modern convenience would cause you go sit in the corner and eat your hair if you had to go without it for the rest of your life?

How modern are we talking? Because my answer is either "the internet" or "indoor toilets."

9. What is your least favorite word?

Panties.

10. Which is creepier, a teletubby or a furby?

Furby. Fo sho.

11. What makes your blog awesome sausage?

Hmmm.....Boyfriend. I'm not trying to be all mushy cuz valentine's day is coming up, but the posts about our relationship are my best ones.

Now, it's time for another Valentine's Day animal!

Me: Hi Kitty! How are you?

Kitty: HI.

Me: What’s wrong?

Kitty: NOTHING.

Me: Why are you staring like that?

Kitty: I think there is a demon nearby. I need to watch out for it

Me: …near by ME?

Kitty: Maybe.

Me: Whimper.

Kitty: Buck up, Gia. What did you want to ask me about?

Me: Valentine’s day plans?

Kitty: Ah yes, Valentine's Day. Well, let’s just say my Valentine's day involves a can of tuna, some new cat nip, and a freshly killed bird.

Me: Geez, what is with animals and killing things?

Kitty: It’s how we love, bitch.

Me: Um, okay. So who is this special someone you’re going to share it with?

Kitty: Huh?

Me: What do you mean huh?

Kitty: I don’t understand the question. Special someone?

Me: Yeah. Like a kitty boyfriend? You said its how you love…

Kitty: HA! Bitch, please. I love ME. I’m spending Valentine’s Day with the thing I care about most in the world: ME. The tuna and ‘nip and bird are all for me.

Me: I wonder why cats get the reputation for being self centered.

Kitty: ME ME ME.

Me: Okay okay I get it.

Kitty: ME.

Me: Well, have fun with yourself.

Kitty: Oh I will Gia. I will.

I hope Kitty was kidding about the demons.

How I Eat Popcorn and Why It’s Way Better Than the Way You Do It

2012-02-08T07:00:00.000-05:00

So, as you may have seen on twitter, I’ve come up with a genius way of eating popcorn. Sure it’s a bit odd so I can only eat it this way when I’m totally alone, but still. First, here are all the inferior ways of eating it:

With Your Fingers

Ick. So you get greasy popcorn juice (also known as butter) all over yourself? And then you can’t use your laptop or trackpad while eating it. Pass.

With a Cup

Boyfriend’s choice. So you can spill popcorn all over yourself? PASS.

Lizard Style

Okay, I don’t hate this one, especially when the bowl is full. But when its almost empty and you gotta stick your whole head in it to get to the popcorn, you get popcorn juice all over your face! Not good.

Those are all terrible, right? Well, here’s my idea!

With a Spoon

See guys? Mess free! No butter on your hands/mouth/face/laptop/couch/bedsheets. And no popcorn all over the place! C'mon, I’m a genius, right?!

But seriously, is there a way to get a patent on popcorn eating spoons? You know, indistinguishable from regular spoons, but you use them to eat popcorn. Can I trademark this?

And more importantly, can other people pleas please please start eating popcorn this way, so I don’t feel so damn weird for doing it? Thanks.

-----------------------------------
Okay, so while you're judging me for that (seriously, stop judging me. it's genius.), I need to answer some questions because I was tagged in that Pass It On thing by TWO awesome bloggers. I don't entirely understand it but I get that I'm supposed to answer their questions, I think. Or something. Anyway, first we have Jacqui at chicktuition, who asked for "5 Random Insights into Your Soul:"

1. My soul likes old guys. Gross? Maybe. It is what it is.
2. Even though a cat may steal a part of my soul, I want one. Badly.
3. My soul thinks I can sing. But the rest of me knows I can't. So, I only sing alone in the car.
4. My soul makes me eat babies to feed itself.
5. My soul likes kidding about me eating babies (bad soul! bad!).

I'm bad at these.

NEXT!
Kristen at The Preppy Girl in Pink. Here are her questions:

1. What’s the first thing you do when your alarm goes off in the morning?
Turn it off! I HATE loud noises. If I have any messages on my phone I'll check them.

2. What does your favorite date night consist of?
Anything with Boyfriend. Actually, anything other than watching Midnight in Paris. Usually we have a pretty good time staying in and watching a movie. Maybe going to dinner first. We're low key, but it works for us.

3. What is your favorite comedy movie?
Eeek! I don't know. That's hard. Boyfriend and I both loved Bridesmaids, so that's a current fave. I don't have an all time fave. I don't like committing to things like that.

4. What was your first car and how did you come about ownership?
Uhhh a dodge neon. Bought it at a gas station. Bad decision.

5. What is your go to snack while chilling in front of the TV?
Wine.

6. Name a famous person in present day that you would like to go shopping with and describe why.
Umm...that's tough. My first thought was "NO ONE I HATE SHOPPING." But actually, maybe Oprah. Cuz she'd probably pick up the tab, right?

....I'm sorry I made you guys suffer though my craptastic answers. Aren't you happy you're that much closer to me now?

Okay, go dig up some spoons and eat some popcorn, please.

Valentine's Day Polar Bear

2012-02-07T07:00:00.000-05:00

Valentine's Day is coming up! So I've decided to ask some of our favorite animals about their plans. Today, I interviewed the polar bear (not Popsicle, we'll talk about him later).

Me: Hi Polar Bear!

Polar Bear: Hello!

Me: You look dashing with that bowtie

PB: Thanks, but I’m taken.

Me: Umm, that’s not what I meant. I mean, I have Boyfriend…

PB: Sure sure, I know how you blogger girls are.

Me: How’s that?

PB: Whores.

Me: Wow, that is HARSH.

PB: Sorry Gia. I’ve just seen some websites-

Me: I’m not a whore!

PB: Okay, okay.

Me: So, do you have any Valentines plans?

PB: Gonna take the missus down to the iceberg where we met (or one around it because that one melted) and sex her clothes right off.

Me: Um, how sweet. How long have you been together?

PB: 8.

Me: 8 what?

PB: I’m a polar bear, we don’t measure time like you do. Just 8.

Me: Okaaaay. Did you get her anything?

PB: Yes, this dead seal. Here wanna see?

Me: NO! Um, no thank you. I’m sure it’s lovely.

PB: Yes, yes it is.

Me: Good luck with your date!

PB: Want me to let you know how it goes?

Me: Not really, no.

Well, that was interesting. I'm glad polar bear is keeping the passion alive. Weird, dead seal passion.

Dramatic Reenactments: Watching Midnight in Paris

2012-02-06T07:00:00.000-05:00

So, Boyfriend and I watched Midnight in Paris awhile back. It was terrible. So terrible in fact, that I wanted to create a dramatic reenactment of us watching it.

SPOILERS AHEAD! Also, if you liked the movie, this review will probably offend you. My bad.

Sorry it seems backwards when I talk first. My B.

I can never keep Owen/Luke Wilson straight.

It was just a quick nap.

After it was over:

Watch at your own risk, everyone.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
[Edited to add: guys, I'm doing a link up! I think? I've never done this before don't judge me if I mess it up.]

I Made a Store! Grand Opening!

2012-02-03T07:00:00.000-05:00

HI GUYS! Guess what?

I’ve opened a Zazzle Store! See ---->

NOTE: Some of the BEST items are rated PG13, so they won’t show up if you’re not signed into Zazzle (and your settings aren’t too safe). Pretty much, there are 21 products in the store right now, so if you can’t see all 21, then you have a filter on. I think that direct links will work though. Right now, Zombie Slut Mug, Zombie Slut Sticker, and Cranky Boyfriend Sticker are the best PG13 products out there. If you are running into problems even after you sign in, let me know.

Imaginary reader and I have already had a discussion about my store:

Imaginary Reader: What’s in your store?

Lots of things! Well mostly mugs and tshirts and a few stickers right now. But I’m going to adding more stuff to it regularly

So it’s not done yet?

Well, it’s a work in progress. There’s a lot more ideas I have for items that I’m going to work on. And if there is something you want to see in the store, like a certain drawing on a specific project, just email me at mayorgiac@gmail.com!

I didn’t ask that.

Sorry?

Let’s just stay on track here.

Yessir.

Why’d you make a store?

I like seeing my drawings on things (see Boyfriend’s presents), and I figure that I might as well make them available to my readers.

Do you really think people are going to want to buy a mug with a zombie slut on it?

Well, probably not. But, now you have the option to. I don’t have any ads on the site, so this is a way one could choose to support it if they wanted to.

I don’t.

That’s okay. I still like you. Well, not you in particular imaginary reader, because you’re a bit cunty. General you.

Well what are the proceeds going to?

Um…me?

Seriously?

Seriously, do you know how poor I am?

Whatever. There are poorer people out there.

Well, sure. Think of it this way: if I ever make enough money to become financially stable, I’ll adopt a kitten from a shelter. You want to save an innocent kitten’s life? Support my store!

Bad kitty. I drew it quickly when I was at my parents' and my sister's cat was watching intently which is awesome because I think she knew it was a portrait of her.

…I’ll be checking out the sites on your links page.

Imaginary reader is a whore. Anyway, like I said, there’s only a few items in the store now. But I’ll be adding to it regularly. If there’s something you want to see, let me know!

Have a great weekend everyone! I'll see you on Twitter!

Car Decals: Wine Girl

2012-02-02T07:00:00.000-05:00

Yaaay! Car Decal time!!!!

You guys know the car decals that show people's hobbies/interests? Like the ones with the mouse ears? Well, I wanted one to show *my* hobbies:

Wine!

I could totally drive around like this:

In Which I Discover I May Be Allergic to Wine. FML.

2012-02-01T07:00:00.000-05:00

I don’t want to sound like I’m panicking or exaggerating, but I might be allergicish to wine and this is the worst thing that’s happened to me in my entire life.

So, as those of you who follow me on Twitter may know, I’ve been getting a lot of sinus headaches lately. I’ve noticed that they are a bit worse after I drink. Last week, this gchat convo happened with Boyfriend:

Me: FUCK.

So I have another sinusy headache today and I had a fair bit of wine last night

I just read since alcohol dilates blood vessels, it cause the blood vessels in nose/sinus to swell and create pressure. SINUS HEADACHES

I wonder if its wine I'm more sensitive to or just all alcohol

Boyfriend: It could also be the number of people in your head trying to get out and the gallon of pinot doesn't help

Me: Seriously though

fuuuuuuuck

Boyfriend: sorry

Me: Maybe I should switch to gin for a few days

or buy tylenol sinus

or switch to another drug

...coke?

Boyfriend: I have some dayquil in my bag I think

You are not allowed near coke!

jesus.

Me: Maybe if I smoke weed and don't drink it’ll go better

Maybe i should try that the next time you're smoking

or prescription meds

oh look, Useless McGee is only 20 minutes late today and not a whole half hour. [I almost took this part out because it's not relevant but then I realized I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW HOW MUCH OF A SLACKER SHE IS.]

Boyfriend: Zoloft or 5 HTP

Me: This is very distressing to me

I mean, seriously guys?

Life is not okay right now.

A few days later:

Me: FUCK

fuck I drank wine last night and my sinuses HURT

I drink a lot of water anyway but I guess I need more

Boyfriend: You're going to have to give up that wine shit

Me: FUCK

I'm buying gin tonight.

Here's the other thing

Our heat in the apartment is super dry and gross

Help me.

whimper

Boyfriend: humidifier

Me: What is this magic you speak of?

OMGGGGGGG

http://www.amazon.com/Crane-Adorable-Gallon-Humidifier-Penguin/dp/B000GWJD0A/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1327433635&sr=8-4

There are a bunch of different animals to choose from!!!

Do I want the cow or the duck?

Boyfriend: We have the elephant. You would want the duck I assume. Do you just want to borrow ours? No one is using it at the moment.

Me: Hmmmmm…..

So, I decided to address this problem on dual fronts.

1. I brought a crap top of sinus meds

Does anyone know if its okay if I drink and take the nighttime ones?

2. I stopped drinking.

HAHAHAHAH, just kidding.

Actually, I decided to drink DIRECTLY in front of the humidifier.

That’s a normal response, right? I’m a problem solver.

So, this solution is kind of working for now. Does anyone else experience this, or have any good advice for me? Alternatively, if I need to consider giving up the alcohol, can anyone put me in contact with a good dealer?

Car Decals: Cranky.

2012-01-31T07:00:00.000-05:00

Another car decal!

I made this one for tired/grumpy Boyfriend, because I accidentally made himsleepy last weekend. And he's been working super hard lately and work is icky. And he likes cursing. I'm sure he's not the only one out there with these qualities, though...

Scattered Update: Sister Got a Kindle.

2012-01-30T07:00:00.000-05:00

My sister’s birthday was last week, so I went home last weekend to give her the kindle fire I wrote about here.

It went…alright. When I first gave it to her this happened:

A few seconds later:

And as predicted:

So, we spent most of the weekend figuring it out. It’s not taking her long to get used to how much quicker the kindle is than her stupid terrible laptop, so I think she’ll like it. Eventually.

Nothing terribly entertaining came up around the kindle, but she did drop these gems:

1. This is an election year, right?

I brought up the SC primary, and that came out. Nuff said. [And not to get all political, but seriously? They'd rather vote for an adulterer than a mormon? It's okay that to be whoring it up around town when your wife has cancer, but it's not okay to have secret magical Jesus underwear? Seriously?!? I don't really care what religion you are, but I do care if you're a shitty person. Hey Newt, YOU'RE A SHITTY PERSON. Okay, I'm done talking politics. Don't hate me please.]

2. Want some ice with that wine?

She was getting white zin for herself and her friend, and her friend said no thanks. When my sis handed it to her, the friend went “Oh, it’s cold already! Why would I need ice?” EXACTLY, friend.

3. I don’t like maps.

The last thing that bugged me was not an incident exactly. Mostly, it’s her general inability to understand where places are in relation to one another due to her unwillingness to look at maps. She tried to argue with me that it made sense for me to go with my parents' house to another town together rather than drive myself. But in reality it’s like this:

CLEARLY, it’d be a huge waste of time for us to carpool. I pulled up googlemaps and tried to show her, but she kept going “I don’t want to look.” Seriously?!??! YOU SHOULD KNOW WHERE THINGS ARE.

Cue me shrilly yelling: LOOK AT THE MAP!! LOOK AT THE MAP!!!!!

Ay ya yi.

An Interview with a Boyfriend - Part II

2012-01-27T07:00:00.001-05:00

Yaaay, the second half of Boyfriend’s guest post! Part I is here. Same warning applies. This is going to be filthy. (I tried to clean it up a bit with my redacting...)

[Also, I think some of you may have gotten the impression that I wrote the questions and Boyfriend answered. But I want to set the record straight: Boyfriend did the entire interview, except for the comments in red (and the questions submitted by you wonderful readers)! He gets credit with the questions and answers and everything. Cuz he's super smart. He made all the funny.]

We left off with Boyfriend making inappropriate comments about my sister. Grrrrr.

Blog: This has gotten twisted.

Boyfriend: Yeah, but her followers are totally sick too, so I think they are hanging in there. In fact, have you seen some of their blogs? Some of these people need help, fast. Though I think I read that [redacted] has a thing for old guys too, so I may have a shot at that some day.

OEFNWIBWW WHAT?!?!

Blog: You really are an asshole.

Boyfriend: Guilty.

I’mma make you pay.

Blog: So she loves [redacted], huh?

Boyfriend: Who, the follower? No idea. But Gia, yeah, she’s insatiable. Her hobbies are wine, [redacted], wine, this blog, [redacted] and eating tums.

…that’s about right.

Blog: Is it true that you encouraged her to start this blog?

Boyfriend: Yes, she had drawn some pics and had some super funny ideas that she was always tossing out, so I encouraged her to start a blog. It’s her latest obsession.

I started with this craptastic pic:

Blog: She is hilarious and talented. Is that why you like her?

Boyfriend: She is adorable and smart and funny and very kind. She likes me a lot for whatever reason, so that is also very nice. She rarely is bitchy or cunty with me, which is very unusual for a woman. We have a lot in common, work well together and don’t seem to have a lot of conflict. Of course we only see each other twice a week, so that’s a good way to keep things fresh. Note to married people. See each other less. You’re welcome.

Awwwww isn’t he sweet?!? I take back the “I will murder you” thing.

Blog: Moving on…..I think Gia would also like you to say that she is super hot and sexy.

Boyfriend: [robot voice] Yes. Gia…is… super… hot… and…. sexy.

Aww, you really think so? *bats eyelashes*

Blog: Not that sincere.

Boyfriend: Whatever. Our sex is pretty awesome, though.

BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!!

Blog: You seem a little wary of the “L” word, though?

Boyfriend: Why go there Bloggy? We use “lime”, as in “I lime you”. It came from an autocorrect of “like”. That’s as close as we’re getting. I’m incapable of romantic love.

Blog: Odd, you seem pretty romantic (cough, cough, choke).

Boyfriend: I’m going to have that grumpy lioness eat your ass, motherfucker. Anyway, I believe in a deeper kind of love. Romantic love is just lust dressed up nice. If you really love someone then it wouldn’t go away. Romantic love goes away all the time, because it isn’t real. You can never not love your kids or your dog for example. That’s real love.

Blog: But be honest, you really, really like her though, don’t you? You could call it love?

Boyfriend: What the fuck, Blog! We don’t use that word! EVER!

…except that one time, when he accidentally used it. :P

Blog: Settle, Boyfriend, settle. 10-2, 10-2 [Apparently this is a reference to driving, putting your hands at 10 and 2. I hadn’t ever heard of it as a phrase to calm down before.]

Boyfriend: She’s very special to me. If I did believe in something other than “lime”, then I would have that for Gia.

Awwwwwwwwwwww you guys, isn’t that so sweet?!?!? I swear I didn’t even guilt him about the L-word nonsense!! (I’m not going to let a great relationship be determined by one’s willingness to say a four letter word to one another. If I did, the relationship would never have gotten off the ground- woulda been halted at his first “cunt”. Meh, they’re just words.)

Blog: Fair enough. You’ve said in a comment that Gia is “The World’s Best Girlfriend,” except for two things. Care to elaborate?

Boyfriend: Let’s just say that one of them has to do with [redacted] that occurred during an aborted DVD viewing of Sucker Punch. I don’t want to ever relive that moment. Not going near the other one.

…no comment. I was having an off day.

Blog: Oh, sorry.

Boyfriend: Yeah, my [redacted] looked like it had been put in a blender. Don’t know how she made it through college.

That is an exaggeration.

Blog: You make her sound kinda slutty.

Boyfriend: She’s slutty with me, which is good. She isn’t whory, though. On second thought, she might put out in exchange to keep the demons that live outside of her apartment away. They are pretty scary.

Wait, what? Boyfriend, you said it was just the wind making those noises and there was no such thing as demons! You told me not to be scared!!!!

Blog: One follower of the blog wanted to know if the gchat re-enactments are real.

Boyfriend: 100%. There may be some editing to take out even more offensive stuff, but they’re all basically what we wrote. The roof, New Orleans, new girl all real. Some of the others might make an appearance. Might also be put in Guantanamo for some of it.

ARE THE DEMONS REAL OR NOT!??! …I think I need some holy water.

Blog: Speaking of New Orleans, did you know that there were zombie sluts?

Boyfriend: I had no idea that there were such things before Gia came up with it. What really surprised me was that other women who follow the blog also worry about them! WTF! The closest I got to a zombie slut was that horrible experience watching Sucker Punch. And that was in another state.. So much blood.

There was no blood.

Blog: You’re not REALLY an atheist, right?

Boyfriend: The last time that came up it was suggested by a Follower that I be hung up and beaten with a stick like a piñata, so I’m not really going to comment. Can I just leave it that I don’t have much respect for/belief in organized so-called western religions, but that I’m more like a stripper. I’m not religious, I am very spiritual. I am deeply moral without the threat of hell. I won’t invade your country, rape your children, kill innocents, hate your sexuality or color all in the name of an imaginary sky master, who apparently loves you deeply. Shit. Went too far again, huh?
....a sexy stripper. (Yes, Boyfriend knows that not ALL religions or religious people do that. Please don't hate me, reader. I'm sure he's not referring to you.)

Blog: They hated you before. Now they rilly, rilly, rilly, hate you.

Boyfriend: What if I buy them all pearls?

Blog: That would be a start.

Car Decals: Duck

2012-01-26T07:00:00.000-05:00

Another Car Decal!

For the ducks who drive. What’s that? Ducks can’t get theirlicense? DISCRIMINATION.

I know I know. I like ducks too much. But you know what? I’mnot sorry.

In other news, thank you to the Ginja Ninja for this award!!!

I would tell you guys something about myself, but you already know too much. And you're going to learn a lot more tomorrow, when I post Part II of Boyfriend's guest post!

An Interview with a Boyfriend - Part I

2012-01-25T07:00:00.001-05:00

This is Boyfriend.

Hi all! So, Boyfriend finally agreed to do a guest post, and get interviewed by the blog. It’s a bit long (that’s that she said), so I’m breaking it up into two posts. Here’s Part I. It’s filthy. Seriously, like more filthy than usual, so consider yourself warned. My comments are in red – I just couldn’t resist chiming in.

Blog: Welcome Boyfriend, thanks for the interview.

Boyfriend: Okay, fine. Let’s get on with it.

Blog: Why so cranky?

Boyfriend: I’m old and I don’t have much time, so can we please move this along. I’m sure there are some kids to chase off my lawn or some ear hair to trim. So, chop, chop Bloggy.

He’s not that old. He’s being funny.

Blog: I can see why Gia likes you so much. You’re a peach! Anyhoo, let’s start at the beginning. Is Gia’s account of your courtship accurate?

Boyfriend: Yes, she ~~hunted~~ ~~pursued~~ ~~stalked~~ courted me for what she claims was 7months through gchat and other forms of flirting. It was weird and creepy, but she let me say incredibly filthy things to her through gchat. I thought she liked it. Turns out not so much. Our first date consisted of dinner, massive sexual tension and then hotel sex. How romantic and sweet! She’s very old school. Old school with pedophile priests that is.

Okay, to clarify: I totally liked the dirty stuff. It was when he was being mean to me to try to drive me away (ha!) that I could have done without sometimes. Not all the time, just a little.

Also, I’m Catholic. You already knew this.

Blog: Why would she do all of that? It sounds kinda sick.

Boyfriend: Uh, well she is pretty much an ambulatory mental patient, so when her OCD kicks in there isn’t much you can do to get away. She’s a boulder rolling down a steep hill. The voices drive her and at some point resistance is futile.

Hahahhaha…what? Haa…

Blog: Wait, are you *trying* to get away?

Boyfriend: Well we don’t talk about the “d” word (dump) because I don’t like it when she does that hyperventilation thing and starts moaning like a wounded walrus [a-hem]. Anyway it’s a cross between the Stockholm Syndrome and fear that keeps me with her.

I will murder you.

Blog: Explain the fear.

Boyfriend: Well her most recent Google searches were “How to dispose of a body” and “How long does human flesh take to decompose” so that might be a hint.

I can totes explain that.

Blog: To be fair, you did search for “How to dump your girlfriend” on her computer, no? [oh, bloggy explained it!]

Boyfriend: Yeah, in retrospect that was a mistake. There was a good video though. I think a text message is the best way, fyi. But, since I don’t want the brake lines on my car cut or to drink poison in my whiskey, I’m staying put for now.

Good decision on your part, babe.

Blog: Going back a step, why do you think she likes you.

Boyfriend: Again, unresolved daddy issues and OCD. She claims I’m mean and sweet, which is a pretty solid description. I am pretty mean. She also has a straight up old guy fetish (Colin Firth makes her hot), loves [redacted] and free dinners, so I’m ideal. Oh and I give good presents.

Seriously? You’re sweet and you listen to me bitch and you’re funny and smart and hot and you put up with my craziness. And you’re good at fixing things and you cook me food and you cuddle with me. And a bunch of other things too but these come to mind right now.

Blog: Passing on that. How horrible do you two look together?

Boyfriend: It’s pretty disgusting. Despicable really. I’m 1,000 and she’s 12 or something, so yeah we make people uncomfortable in public. We also look like the number 10 if you look at us from behind.

Blog: I’m not touching that.

Boyfriend: I wouldn’t.

Actually, we’re adorable. See:

Blog: Has she told her parents about your unholy alliance yet?

Boyfriend: Are you insane! They still think she’s a virgin. If they knew the half of it, their heads would explode and then they’d make her go to a convent. She can’t even tell her friends about this blog! I’m about the same age as her mom [no, he’s younger], so how creepy would that be. She also has a freakishly religious sister who is nearly 30 and supposedly a virgin. Has a weird religious tattoo on her wrist. (Strangely hot) That crew would make the best reality show ever. Just the convos about white zin and ice would be priceless. Jersey Shore meets Rednecks on Vacation meets the 700 Club meets Drinking Made Easy. Winner!

YOU THINK MY SISTER’S TATTOO IS HOT?? You stay AWAY from her!!!!

Okay. I’m stopping the interview at this point, so I can go find out what *exactly * Boyfriend meant by my sister’s “strangely hot” tattoo. Stay tuned for the second half on Friday -- the really juicy stuff comes out then!

[UPDATE: Part II is here]

Car Decals: Zombie Sluts

2012-01-24T07:00:00.000-05:00

It’s time for another Car Decal! Here you go:

For the zombie sluts out there. Do zombie sluts drive cars?I’m not sure, but if they

do, this is the sticker for them.

I’d really prefer if all zombie sluts were forced to putthis decal on their car, so I know who they are and can keep them away from Boyfriend. Too much? I don't think so.

Also, tomorrow's a big day for the blog - part I of Boyfriend's guest post goes up! Stay tuned!

Two Unrelated But Awesome Things!

2012-01-23T07:00:00.000-05:00

First, thanks to B from The Opposite of That for giving me the Overlord Award! She’s great and I love power so it’s super appreciated.

Secondly, guess what guess what?!? I GOT A NEW BED!!! What, that’s not exciting to you? Well, remember the time I drunk blogged about my crappy bed and drew pictures about how uncomfortable (and LOUD) it was? Well, I did. And now I have a new one!!!

It’s a QUEEN, everyone. Which actually fits nicely into my overlord award:

I got it on crazy clearance, because a store near me was trying to unload their inventory before they closed for renovations. The only downside is that it’s a dual bed, so half is very plush and the other half is firm (you can feel like a dip in the middle). It works for me, because I always sleep on one side of the bed, and I wanted something very soft and cozy.

Like snoozing on a cloud...

I HOPE Boyfriend likes it, because the side he’s stuck on is a bit firmer (though there’s a pillowtop thing on the whole bed). Our conversation before it got delivered went something like this:

Me: (for the hundredth time) I hope you like it

Boyfriend: It’s more important that YOU like it. It’s YOUR bed.

Me: But I know I’ll like my side. I hope you like yours.

Boyfriend: I’m sure it’ll be good

Me: I mean it’s kind of firm but you don’t like things too plushy

Boyfriend: It’ll have to be better than what you have now

Me: You’ll probably like it…

Boyfriend: I’m sure I’ll like it

Me: Even if you don’t like it, will you pretend that you like it?

Boyfriend: Absolutely. I’m definitely going to tell you I like it. I’m not an idiot.

Me: But you think you’ll really like it f’reals, though, right?

Boyfriend: I. Will. Like. It.

Anyway, then it got delivered and he SAID he liked it, but I’m not so sure.

Can I get a lie detector for this?

I like it. Except for the fact that I’ve had neck/back pains for a few days. Buuut, I’m just hoping my back is adjusting to actually having a nice bed and that’ll go away soon. Or something.

Anyway this is the old bed:

And here’s the new one:

At least Boyfriend’s feet no longer hang over the edge.

Boyfriend's Golf Game

2012-01-20T07:00:00.000-05:00

As I’ve referenced before, Boyfriend thinks I’m quite the golf jinxer. I strongly disagree. He claims that when he plays, something like this happens:

I think it was more of a convenient excuse for when he played a bad hole. And/or he gets super distracted by me because I’m so awesome and totally a sex goddess.

Anyway, I couldn’t have been that big of a jinx, because Boyfriend’s team won their tournament! Remember, I made him a trophy already:

clicky to read

But last week, he got another! See:

He texted me a pic of it after his golf party last Friday. The following texting ensued:

Me: Fancy!!! Who gets to keep it?

Boyfriend: Everyone got one. Has my name on it!

Me: Oh holy crap that’s awesome!! It looks like you…the tall guy on it

Boyfriend: That is what someone else said too

Me: Yep. You’re clearly mvp. You’re my mvp!

Boyfriend: Didn’t even play! [Okay, the actual tournament was when he was vacationing in Oregon]

Me: You played all season

Boyfriend: Not in the playoffs

Me: Hey you got them to the playoffs

Boyfriend: Yeah ok

Me: Because I’m such a good luck charm!!

Boyfriend: Uhhggghhhgggg

Me: Did you just come?

Boyfriend: Stroke

Me: Yeah you were strokin’ it alright….

Anyhoo now that I've got the obligatory filthy texting out of the way, which trophy is better? It’s totally okay if you say mine, I’m sure Boyfriend won’t be upset.

The Magnet Story Again: Save a Tree, Eat Beaver

2012-01-19T07:00:00.001-05:00

So, you wanna hear an embarrassing story from childhood? Yes, yes you do.

Well, I was a sassy little middle schooler.

As we’ve already established, I was also a vegetarian bad ass. And I liked irony. So when I saw a magnet that said SAVE A TREE, EAT BEAVER, I had to buy it.

It was funny to me, because I’m a vegetarian and I’d never eat an animal over a plant, and yet that’s what the magnet was telling you to do. My logic was this:

So, I kept it in my locker for three years in middle school. Then I brought it home when I graduated, and stuck it on our refrigerator. Where it stayed. For about four years.

Guys, I’m just gonna let that sink in for a minute. Every single day, my mom, dad, sister, and I walked by a magnet on our fridge that said “Save a Tree, Eat Beaver.”

......

Yep.

Finally, one day in high school, I heard a teacher yell at a student who was wearing a t shirt that had a picture of a “shaved beaver” on it (the animal, pervs). He made the kid turn the shirt inside out, and I finally got a clue as to what a “beaver” could possibly refer to. But by that time, I had forgotten about the magnet.

A few months later, I was looking at the fridge and I finally noticed the magnet. Like, really noticed it.

I was mortified. Did anyone in my family know what it meant? Or any of the friends who came by? Especially my sister’s – they were four years older than I was. Or my parents friends – did any of them see it and wonder why there was references to oral lady sex on the fridge!!? I promptly took it down and put it in a drawer in my room where it started throughout college.

I found it a few weeks ago and decided, “Fuck it, I’m an adult now.” And I brought it to my apartment and stuck it on my fridge. Because I’m still a little bit of a bad ass.

Obvi, I’m going to hide it when my mom comes to visit.

SOPA

2012-01-18T07:44:00.000-05:00

Hi. So, I was going to post a real post today (it was actually up for like 40 minutes), but then I realized I its SOPA protest day, and instead of a post, you're just getting a link to go here and learn more.

Tomorrow, you'll hear about my embarrassing story about my childhood. You're welcome, internet.

Car Decals: Robot Girlfriend

2012-01-17T07:00:00.000-05:00

Hey, you guys know how people have those decals ontheir cars that are super annoying? And then those funny ones started showingup on the internet like the girl with the ax that says “I’ll kill your family”or one girl surrounded by a ton of cats? (Me one day.) Well, I’ve come up with abunch more that I think should exist. I’m going to start posting them a coupleof times a week – to replace my “Christmas Animals” feature, for the timebeing.

So, here’s the first one:

Robot Girlfriend and her Robot Cat

For the robot girlfriend, obviously, and her robot cat. It’dlook something like this on a car:

*bzzt* Ro-bot girl-friend likes stick-ers *bzzt*

ALSO, I am aware that that Friday's post maybe made it look like I wasn't going to post on Monday (because I had the day off work). So, if you didn't see yesterday's post about Allie and the polar bear, I strongly recommend you scrolling down or clicking here to check it out. It's much better than today's post. That is all.

An Interview with a Polar Bear (and Alligator)

2012-01-16T07:00:00.000-05:00

As you guys may recall, Boyfriend got me a polar bear for Christmas:

We have decided to name him Popsicle the Polar Bear.

Boyfriend got him for me because he believes a polar bear cries every time I use a blowdryer and wanted to me to have a reminder of what I was destroying. However, Popsicle isn’t exactly the crying type.

Popsicle: DEATH TO BLOWDRYERS!!!

He's a bit militant.

Me: Popsicle, we’ve talked about this.

Popsicle: They’re terrible for the environment! I’m covered in fur and you don’t see me blowing hot air at my head.

Me: It’s not the same. Look, the blowdryer isn’t so bad, now is it?

Popsicle: OH MY GOD.

Me: What? What is it?

Popsicle: YOUR MURDERED A ZEBRA!??

Me: What? Oh no Pop it’s just a design…

Yes, he's hugging the blowdryer

Popsicle: How could you?! AN INNOCENT ZEBRA! What, was destroying my people not enough?!?!

Allie: Hey guys, whats up? Ooooh, a ZEBRA!

CHOMP CHOMP

Allie: It doesn’t taste very good.

Me: It’s NOT A REAL ZEBRA!

Allie: Who’s the new guy?

Me: Allie, meet Popsicle the Polar Bear

Allie: Ooo you single?

Popsicle: I have no time for the ladies! I must focus all my energy on my crusade against blowdryers!!

Allie: I don’t have a blowdryer, but I’m a fan of blowing…

Popsicle: …hmm...

You have a large mouth…

…and pointy teeth. Like I was saying, no time! Must fight the blowdryers!

Me: Oh come on!

Popsicle: Why do you even need this piece of devil equipment?

Me: Look, this is my hair without a blowdryer:

Me: And this is it with it:

Popsicle: Wow. A blowdryer does all that?

Me: Well, that and my straightener.

Popsicle: Your what?

Me: Hair straightener. See?

Popsicle: *Looks in horror* OH MY GOD IT’S…

Me: -It’s not a real-

Popsicle: ...A SNOW LEOPARD. ARE THERE NO LIMITS TO YOUR MURDEROUS WAYS?

Me: *facepalm*

Allie: Hey hey hey pay attention to meeeee!!

Look at me look at me look at me

Popsicle: I’m so done with all of you right now. This interview is over.

Hmph!

Well, alright then. There’s your introduction to Popsicle. Looks like I’m going to have to start blowdrying my hair in secret. Le sigh.

Random Friday Things

2012-01-13T07:00:00.000-05:00

Guess what? I’m getting much better at the tablet. Look:

Ducky says: I tolerate this drawing of me.

Oh thank you, dear gracious Ducky. How very kind of you.

Ducky: Hey! Would you like it if I drew you the way you first drew me? With a GIANT ASS??

Probably not.

Ducky: Okay then.

Anyway, YAY IT’S FRIDAY!!! Boyfriend can’t hang out with me tonight :( because he has a golf party to go to. Apparently I’m not the only who wanted to give him a golf trophy:

He keeps assuring me its all boys and there will be no ladies at this party, but yes I AM still concerned that they’re going to get strippers/hookers/zombie sluts/golf groupies, thankyouforasking. I’ll be spending the night worrying and hiding from all the things that can get me on Friday the 13^th. So, I’ll be in bed with a bottle of wine like usual.

Speaking of Boyfriend, he's FINALLY agreed to do a guest post for me!! How exciting is that!?! Anyway, part of the guest post is going to be Q&A - so can you guys please please pretty please ask some questions that you would like Boyfriend to answer? Like, "How awesome is Robot Girlfriend in person?" and "How many zombie sluts did you turn down in New Orleans?" Seriously, we need questions. Leave em in the comments below or email them to me at mayorgiac@gmail.com or tweet em at me at @mayorgia.

Don't worry, I'll chime to set the record straight when needed...

Anyway, today’s post is really short today because I’m being interviewed on another blog today! Unlike guest posts, which totally overwhelm me because half the time I can’t come up with enough good ideas for my own blog, interviews are much more manageable to me. Answer simple questions? Yes, I can do that. Anyhoo, head over to Let’s Just Rant to read JOutlaw’s interview with me!

Note: JOutlaw does not live in the US, so I have absolutely no idea what the time difference or what time the post is actually going up. He said “Friday” so, it’ll be up sometime today. Don’t get cranky with me if you check it now and its not up yet. Time differences confuse me.

I hope everyone has a great weekend – I’ll be doing my normal drunk tweeting and enjoying the extra day off (Yay, Martin Luther King)!

I'm Like Sunshine, Damnit!

2012-01-12T07:00:00.000-05:00

Hi all! A short post today, but I want to say a great big THANK YOU toTriGirl from Tri-ing to be Athletic for the Sunshine Award!!

Yaaaaay! WhenBoyfriend and I were facetiming, I asked Boyfriend if I was like sunshine tohim. This happened:

And then he said, “That was funny, thank you.” So, I’m goingto assume that means “Yes, yes of course you are, Gia.”

I also need to thank Lady Daa Doo for the Liebster Blog! I would ask Boyfriend if I was Liebstery (lobstery?), but I feel like he'd just make a nazi joke. Anyway, you all are the best!

In other news, you may have noticed that I started putting a list of some of my favorite posts on the sidebar over there somewhere ---> I’m totally open to input as to which posts are your favorites and what should (and should NOT) be up there, so please feel free to let me know your thoughts.

Also, if you go a little further to the bottom of the sidebar on the right, you can see that I MADE MYSELF A BUTTON!! Feel free to grab it. (Not in a dirty way, you guys. I have a Boyfriend. Sheeeeesh.)

Robot Girlfriend

2012-01-11T07:00:00.000-05:00

So, every once in awhile, I dig deep inside myself andpull out some weirdness. Lucky forBoyfriend, he usually gets a front row seat to it. Last time we were in seasidetown, I pulled out Robot Girlfriend. That’s when I transform from

Girlfriend

into

Robot Girlfriend!

Pretty much I try to talk like a robot and move like arobot and insist that I am powered by kisses and hugs. Like this:

Boyfriend thinks its ~~annoying~~ adorable. For example, when we were in the kitchen, Ididn’t have enough power to get back in the living room.

I got my kisses, thankyouverymuch. Anyway then Boyfriendworked on the dishwasher, which went something like this:

Boyfriend: * crash * OW!!!

Me: Are you alright?

Boyfriend *gritted teeth* Just dandy.

I think we know what would make Boyfriend feel better,don’t you?

[HINT: remember the last time Boyfriend made Home Improvements?]

Robot Girlfriend makes everything better.

The New Girl at Work and Why I Hate Her

2012-01-10T07:00:00.000-05:00

Warning. This post is filthy. Like usual.

So there’s a new girl at work. And I hate her. Because she’s nice and SUPER HOT. I can’t openly hate her (because of the nice thing), but I secretly super hate her. Thankfully, she’s a temp, but I don’t know how long she’s going to be around. Boyfriend enjoys torturing me about her. See the following texting:

Me: Bleh work bleh

Boyfriend: NewGirl mmmmm

Me: Rawr I hate her!!!

Boyfriend: Why? She’s perfect

Me: <angryface>

Boyfriend: and engaged [Right. Even though she’s engaged, I still hate her. I am aware how crazy this makes me.]

boooooooooo

Me: Thank. Goodness.

Or else shit was gonna go down. [It actually gets hard sometimes for me to remember that I have to be nice to her in real life, because she's nice and never actually did anything to me nor has she made a move on Boyfriend. YET.]

Boyfriend: Not fair

Me: <Two angry faces>

Boyfriend: I’m whacking it to her anyway

Me: SERIOUSLY

Boyfriend: What. She looks very flexible.

Me: Her vagina has teeth

Boyfriend: Soft and tight I think

Me: Like a hedgehog

Or a venus fly trap

Boyfriend: She can trap my fly anytime

Me: She’ll make your penis bleed

Boyfriend: Fine

Me: I think you mean “ick that sounds awful” no?

Boyfriend: I think I could fuck her hard enough that the engagement ring would fall to the floor

Me: NO IT’S ON THERE PRETTY TIGHT

Do you have a boner right now

I’m gonna be so mad if you have a boner right now

Boyfriend: Halfsies

Me: …I’m half really angry

Boyfriend: She’s nice and proper. She’d never let me do anything REALLY filthy to her.

Me: Right so she’s the worst

Boyfriend: But super gorgeous

Me: RAWWWWWWRRRRR

A few minutes later

Me: Were you trying to distract me from useless mcgee anger by bringing up newgirl?

Boyfriend: No just general torturing

Me: Were you masturbating just now?!?!?

Boyfriend: Yes she’s pretty

Calm down crazy legs

Me: Aww you were masturbating? Really?

Boyfriend: No stupid. You’ve gone off the deep end.

Me: Whew.

This is another one of those situations where in reality it looks like this:

But what I see is this:

Grrr.

Sister's Birthday

2012-01-09T07:00:00.000-05:00

So, I love my sister, but she kind of drives me crazy.

Like, she has terrible taste in wine. Freals, she’s arule breaker:

AND not only does she drink shitty wine with ICE in it,she’s picky about brands.

No joke. Even though we had a bottle of white zin in thehouse, she made us stop at a liquor store to get Sutter Home because “shewasn’t sure if she’d like that brand.” Really? Don’t get me wrong, I havefavorite brands, but white zin is white zin is pisswater, you know?

And I swear, she’s definitely smart, but sometimes…she’san idiot, you know what I mean? Like this conversation happened once.

Sister: [while looking at her laptop] What’s the big dealabout tae bow?

Me: Huh?

Sister: Tay bow?

Me: What?!?

Sister: The football player…

Me: It’s TEBOW, sis. *facepalm *

And then another time this happened:

Me: Maybe when I move I’ll have enough to buy aflatscreen instead of my old crappy tv. Besides, it’d be easier to move…

Sis: No wouldn’t it be harder?

Me: Harder? No. Flat screens are so much lighter and lessbulky than the old tvs!

Sis: It’s not heavier?

Me: No.

Sis: But isn’t the shape harder to carry?

Me: NO! What is wrongwith you?

Sis: Oh. I don’tknow.

Which looks easier to carry to you?

Anyhoo, that’s my sister. And her birthday is coming up.These are the things she wants for it:

1. Silver ball stud earrings. Not too big, not too small.She’s very picky. She might as be saying here “Buy me earrings in the wrongsize but make sure to keep the receipt so I can return them and buy what Ireally want.”

2. A cd. Because she still doesn’t have an mp3 player.Yeah, she’s stuck in the stone age. Seriously, she has walkmen. The kind forcds AND tapes. No, don’t make fun of mebecause I didn’t have a ipod until Boyfriend bought me one for my birthday.It’s different with me.

3. A no-clip curling iron. This is just stupid. End ofdiscussion.

4. Another cat. Okay, she didn’t actually ask for this because she already has two, but I feel like she may start collecting them soon.

We could call this one "Socks."

I convinced my mom all those ideas were terrible, and weshould get her a kindle fire instead. Wooohooo!!! It’ll be good for thefollowing reasons:

1. She reads a lot

2. Her laptop is the slowest thing on the planet

3. Until now, she’s still been going to BLOCKBUSTER. (Iknow, right?!) Anyhoo, the one near her closed down, so she’s going to need anew way to watch movies. And she can’t use her laptop to do it, because see #2.

It’s coming in soon, but I’m kind of dreading giving itto her. Because she’s ~~not-so-great~~ ~~bad~~ ~~really bad~~ ~~pretty awful~~ fucking terribleat technology. Like, she bought a digital camera over a year ago and uses itbut does not know how to put the pictures on the laptop or load them on to Facebook.THAT bad. So, I know she’s going to open it, look at it, not understand howgreat it is, and do this to me:

Sigh.

I Made a Links Page! And other randomness.

2012-01-06T07:00:00.000-05:00

Exciting news today! First of all, I won TWO awardsrecently. Crazy, right??

First, thanks Shirley from ShirleyWeJest gave me the Overlord Award!

I have no idea what it means but YAAAAYCROWN!!

And THEN I won an award fromblatherbybubbe!

Yay! I'm Versatile!!

Thanks so much!

I was considering passing these on, butthen my social anxiety kicked up and it seemed really hard to pick just a few blogs so I instead decided finally create a linkspage. See up there? Next to the “About me”? Woot woot!

t’s still a work in progress, soplease please please don’t be mad at me if you’re not on there. Actually, if you’dlike to be listed, it’d be super helpful if you’d shoot me an email at MayorGiaC@gmail.com or tweet me letting me know. Or just follow me on twitter because I like friends. :D

Ok, I’m still feeling pretty neurotic because I knowI’m forgetting people but I wanted to get the page up. Time for a distraction. Look,I drew a bunny!

When I showed it to boyfriend, thishappened:

Me: I tried to draw you a bear but itcame out a bunny.

Boyfriend: Bunny is strangelyuncomfortable with that carrot

Me: Bunny likes the carrot...except for thatperiod in college when bunny was interested in tacos, bunny's been all aboutthe carrots...

On that weird/uncomfortably dirty note, have a great weekend, everyone!

Mayor Gia Meme 2012!

2012-01-05T07:00:00.000-05:00

There’s been a bunch of the end of the year memes goingaround now, like this one that Aunt Becky from Mommy Wants Vodkaencouraged us to do. So I figured, what the hell, I can do a meme!

But then I also thought, “Hey, I want to make up thequestions AND answers! I’ll make my own meme! Because I don’t believe inrules.*”

*only when they’re in opposition to what I’d like to do.The rest of the time I’m pretty okay with rules.

[Side note: Then I saw Aunt Becky also posted an original meme. It’s funny and mine is not as good but it's already done so here itis!!]

The Mayor Gia Meme!

1. What do you wish you were doing right now instead ofanswering this meme?
Sleeping. And drinking. Well actually, I am drinking. Sojust sleeping.

2. How do you pronounce meme?
Mem-may. Because I don’t follow your rules (*see above).Even though Boyfriend said it was mEEm. Frankly, I think it was mEEm of him to correct me (see what I did there??).

3. Show me something cute.
Here’s a kitty:

4. Awwww

Thank you.

5. Soooo…how was 2011?
Um, pretty good. Care to be morespecific….?

6. Worst moment?
I don't want to talk about it.

7. Ok. Best moment?
Ummmm, not to be all mushy or anything, but probably whenBoyfriend finally asked me out. I’ll post about our inappropriate courtshipeventually.

8. Biggest accomplishment?
Convincing Boyfriend to ask me out.

9. Seriously? You’re not gonna say “starting a blog?”
Oh oh oh, that too. That’s totally an accomplishment.

10. I feel underappreciated, as blog memes go...
I am sorry for that.

11. Goals for 2012?
Well, my resolution is to be the WORLD’S BEST GIRLFRIEND,so that is underway (you know, except for the hiccup I wrote about yesterday).Other goals include being less poor, moving into a roommateless apartment, andmaybe getting a cat. But mostly the WORLD’S BEST GIRLFRIEND thing.

12. Seriously, NOTHING related to blogging??
Oh wait! I have those!

13. And they are….?
Well first of all, to keep posting regularly. I also wantto open a zazzle store for some of my drawings. I don’t have any delusions of grandeurthat other people will be interested in buying mugs with cranky bears on them or anything. But who knows - there might be a mug shortage one day andmugs with cranky bears will be the only ones left, you know??

14. Okay. I’m tired of asking you questions.
That was quick.

15. Yeah, I have stuff to do. I gotta go see a guy abouta thing.
I understand.

16. Let’s finish this. Draw me something
Here’s a picture. I call it “drunk dog.” Not because thedog is drunk, but because I was drunk when I drew it.

17. You stay classy.
Hey. I am classy. I have pearls.

New Year's Resolution Fail

2012-01-04T07:00:00.000-05:00

Guys, I have a confession. I messed up my New Year’sResolution to be the World’s Best Girlfriend already.

So, let’s rewind. Boyfriend and I went to seaside town over the weekend. The majority of the weekend was very pleasant. Boyfriend onlyyelled at the dishwasher a little, we had a nice dinner, etc. etc.

Until Saturday night. We went to dinner and watched theGod-awful Midnight in Paris, and were in bed by 11:30. [Side note: Seriously, how did that movie get amazing reviews? It was TERRIBLE.] I drunkenly anxiously waited til midnightand made sure Boyfriend was awake to go HAPPY NEW YEAR and promptly passed out.

However, approximately 2 hours later, Boyfriend and Iboth woke up. Boyfriend went to the bathroom, sat on the bed, and said, “I don’tfeel well…my heart is racing.” I, being the adorable little ball of neuroticismthat I am, immediately woke up about 120%.

Even after he tried to assure me he was okay and it wasprobably indigestion, I was wiiiide awake. And completely wigged out. Not only becauseBoyfriend could have been having a heart attack/stroke/indigestion, but becausethere were noises in the house. And they could have been trespassers. AndBoyfriend forgot his gun. And there’s no lock on the bedroom door. So I anxiouslyplotted escape routes (get onto the balcony and ungracefully fall into thebushes below) while every home invasion horror story I’d ever heard popped intomy head.

(This is me adjusting to the tablet. Back off.)

Guys, in my defense, I had been drinking. And/or maybepartaking in a substance that sometimes makes people slightly paranoid. I wasNOT going back to bed for quite a while.

Counting Sheep did not work.

So Boyfriend sensed my wide awakeness and opened his ipadand we watched tv on it for a few hours. Thank GOD for late night Archerreruns. Then Boyfriend kind of fell asleep but I maybe kind of would wake himup periodically to make sure he was still breathing and point out that a funnypart on Archer was about to come on. [In my defense, Archer was on a rampage because his breastcancer chemo meds were actually sugar pills and zima. Cmon, this is goodstuff.] And then we watched Entourage… or I watched and narrated to Boyfriend.This maybe continued until oh 5 am. [Another side note: Boyfriend "runs" in his sleep, kind of like a dog. It's so cute. He said he was dreaming about playing basketball.]

Needless to say, the next day Boyfriend was not happy.

He's not a fan of being tired.

And I was upset that I made him cranky so something likethis ensued:

Arrrghhhh. Not my best showing, guys. Especially in lightof the fact that my New Year’s Resolution is to be the #WorldsBestGirlfriend,and I spent the first few hours of 2012 systemically torturing Boyfriend (sleepdeprivation is torture, no?). But anyway, then I remembered that I read on ablog (gahh I forget which) that New Year’s Resolutions really should start onMONDAY this year. I think the logic was something like “Who starts a diet on aSunday?” So, I would like to officially adopt that logic, and state that myWorld’s Best Girlfriend work didn’t actually officially begin til Monday. And Ihave NOT denied him sleep since then.

Whew. I feel better already.

Notice the pearls.